The rain was still pouring down when the ambulance arrived yesterday... That poor man died for no good cause. Despite the tragedy, today was a new day with new sights to be seen and new places to go. My heart aches for my lover but I was determined not to let it get to me like it did yesterday. Instead of dwelling, I turn to earth itself. The smell of rain still lingers in the air and it reminds me why I love being who I am. Although the air crept under the windowsill I tried to shut the cold out. The rain has been destroying the nice weather we were having. Despite the cold, the outside world draws me to itself. I seem to find refuge in the little things in nature. My blood tingles when I find that perfect field. Unfortunetley, I haven't found that perfect field yet. My body strives to find it yet I know that in this place I will never. It is simply too run down and disgusting for me to find refuge in... Yet no matter how hard I try to push down my urges, even in this place, the drive runs through my veins. My lack of practice has caused my muscles to ache and my heart to hurt though. I know that I must find somewhere to release myself to the world. I cant continue to live this way. I must let my true self be revealed to the world but I am still scared to. I still don't know what damage could be done by doing so. I cannot loose those few "friends" I have who hide in the shadows. They somehow are still ashamed to be my friend... yet I do not know why... sigh....
