Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A New Understanding

Once again I wake up cold. However, after seeing my phoenix rise from the ashes I know it is time for me to change. Looking around, for the first time, I realize how screwed up this stupid apartment is. I have clothes strewn across the floor and clothes filling laundry baskets to the brim because I have not been able to afford the basic dresser or any sort of shelving. With this new sort of vision, I am shocked at the filth I have been living in. How could I be such a disaster?? I used to be the epitome of youth. I used to be the one everyone looked up to! But... now I have fallen too low and must pick myself up.

After looking at this disaster of a place, I begin picking up the pieces of my life. I know it is time for me to move back to where I should be. For the first time since I have been here at Watershed Heights I step out into my hall and begin knocking on doors until I find someone who would have a box. When nobody answers, I run back to my room. Looking around, I think about where I should start. My clothes are the worst part of the filth. There is one pile at the end of my bed and I begin there. Little by little my pile of crap turns into a neat folded pile of life.

I finally sit back and look at my work. My clothes are folded. My torn, raggedy sheets are pulled up. Besides the dust and the cracks it looks decent. I find pride in what I have accomplished. It is the first thing I have managed to do in a very long time. I walk to the window and look down at the watch I have which surprisingly still ticks. Time has slipped away from me and my stomach grumbles from lack of food.

I wander down the stairs breathing in what I am dreaming to be clean fresh air. I follow my nose to the smell of roasted pork. I find myself in the gloomy darkness of the local Vietnamese restaurant. I can only see one other man through the darkness and he is shoveling down food like he has never eaten before. I sit down across from him and he does not even notice me. I try to ask him how his food is and what he is eating. I tell him I have never been to this restaurant before and I do not know what is good. He grunts back at me. The waiter walks up and asks me what I want and I merely tell him "I will have what he is eating."

My food arrives within a few minutes after I order. I begin eating and the taste of the roast pork dumplings is not what I expected. It has a sweetness that reminds me of an old desert my mom used to make. As soon as I get used to the flavours, the man across from me jumped up and ran out of the restaurant. All I could do was watch as he ran out and fled whatever he was scared of.

Not long after he left, I began to feel a pressure. A sense of being watched and a slight paranoia. I gingerly finished my meal. The sweetness still felt like a shock in my mouth. I paid. I walked out thinking I finally understood.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Theifs

After being woken up from the fire and barely sleeping, I arise to the clanging of metal and the coughing of a broken muffler. I roll over cussing under my breath and force myself up. My head is killing me already from the bootleg liquor I had last night and this racket isn't helping a thing. I rub my eyes and wince at the brightness of the day. Closing my eyes, I stumble around trying to find something to shade my eyes with. I trip over a hat before picking it up and hiding my eyes. Struggling to the window I look out. I see two men struggling to push the old ATM on a hand truck. Their struggle brings a slight smirk to my face. I continue to watch as they barely manage to get the ATM into the bed of the truck. Somehow the police next door do not see them.... it is more likely they just don't care though. I guess the men figured nobody would care after the trouble caused by the fire.

My eyes wander to the rubble and ashes left by the fire. I see a girl covered in soot and blood rising from the ash. A phoenix of her own sort. Her rise although filthy, was magnificent. A reminder of my days and my continuing dreams. But also, a reminder of how Watershed Heights has dragged me down. A reminder of how pathetic I have become. This memory drags me back to my bed. I curl up. I hold myself. I cry. I let the tears of my own phoenix fall.

Flames

I hear screams of fear and smell a stench so vulgar that even I am appalled. For the first time in forever, I run to my window just in time to see a fireball exploding. All I can see is a man standing on the edge of the flames with a deranged disturbed look on his face before I fall back asleep...

Chaos

The chill is still in the air but the snow has disappeared from the earth. I have woken up to the chill and a the smell of stale, old, buttery popcorn. I hear screams and laughter floating up from the streets below. The prolonged cold has made my bones ache and my thin sheet cannot protect me from it all. Creaks come from my body as I roll over and stand up. As my feet touch the floor, I shiver from the shock of the temperature. I should be used to this now here at Watershed Heights but I still am not.

The clock reads 230 pm. How could I have slept so late? My body never does what I tell it to do anymore. I have begun aging in such a dramatic way since I have moved in here.

I peer out my window and see everyone from the Heights plus a hundred more at least running around. Once my mind has grasped what is going on I begin searching for warmth. My clothes are spread around the room on the floor but I manage to find a torn, but warm, winter jacket and an old pair of pants.

I roam out of my room and stumble down the stairs. The few people I see drop their head when I walk past avoiding any sort of contact. I manage to find my way down to the freakfest that they are calling a carnival. It wasn't hard to find considering everybody was trying to get there too. I didn't really want to go but I knew I needed to get out and do something and fight of the desires to sleep and vanish.

The closer I get to the freakfest, the more I see freaks walking around breathing fire dangerously close to the local kids and playing with swords. I truly hope nobody gets hurt here today.... As I step, slowly step, further into the chaos, I walk by run down booths surrounded by little kids and grown adults, one in the same. Each toy given to a winner of one game or another is some disturbed image of hell or sex. Children should not be seeing images like that at such a young age. What is this world coming to?? I sit and watch the ferris wheel for a while laughing at the stupidity of the Heights crowd. My eye catches this one couple that would shock anyone. This girl looks like some drag queen hooker but the hunk she is with... wow. He looked more tempting then the cotton candy. As they got on the ride, her heel keeps slipping on the worn down metal. I can't help but laugh... Boredom begins to overwhelm me and I begin to wander around again. I see a food vendor and slowly head towards it but my path changes when I spot the liquor booth. The rest of the night I leave up to the stars and liquor...